Wednesday, 24 August 2011

-Todd- All Better Now.

Well, as good as I can get.

Last night, Spencer and I got a handle on this whole multiple personality situation thing. I wasn't really planning on making a post about it, but when I was going through the drafts, I saw transcribed dialogue from the situation. All in lowercase. So, I did a little editing and added some things that needed to be added. Frankly, I just need something to keep my mind busy for a while.

It started with Spencer taking me to the wing. When we got there, he told me to close my eyes. I did. He said unto me, loudly and clearly, "The music coming up from the floor was our old friend, Ludwig Van, and the dreaded Ninth Symphony." Right then, I felt all the blood rush to my head. My knees almost gave out. It was evident something had changed. Spencer told me to open my eyes. I did.

A vast desert wasteland appeared before me. I rubbed my eyes at the sight of it, it was so alien, yet so familiar all at the same time. The sky was pitch black with no moon or stars or any identifiable source of light, but still somehow I could see for miles. Some sort of ambiance filled the air. I looked at Spencer.

"Spence? What the hell? How..."

"Triggers. Wonderful things, eh~?" He put a hand on my shoulder. "So, this is your head? A lot worse than I thought it'd be, granted;" (Which is totally what I wanted to hear) "you should see the inside of mine...."

"Spence, I don't think I want to see the inside of anybody's head. I'm trying not to think about this too hard."

"Well, we've got to make you stop hurting, right~?" He grinned, and started walking forward. "We've got some people to meet!"

It took me a split second to understand what he was talking about. I ran to catch up with him. "Wait, we're just going to go up to them? You don't think he's going to try and attack or something?"

He started to shake his head. "You''ll see what happens if he tries."

"You scare me, sometimes, Spence."

"As I should. Grov isn't the only monster living in The House." He stopped, and turned around on his heel "Going to come out to PLAY, my Hunter~?"

I turned around, almost positive Grosvenor would be standing there, but not exactly sure on what he would look like in there. But when I did, I just saw a little kid, looking frightened out of his mind. He looked at me, then at Spencer, and ran away. I turned my head towards Spencer. "Was that just...?"

"You've got it." He sighed. "So, I've pretty much set up your head as a controlable Loop, so to speak. As in, this is a set location now. You can make anything happen here. Want to try it out...?"

"So what you're saying is, I'm Neo right now, and you're Morpheus?"

"I did the best I could, under the circumstances." He laughed, the sound rough and deep. "Also, be careful. Grov has a wicked looking knife."

"How would you...?" I stopped myself. I decided to not question him at this point, seeing how he's obviously done this before. "Do you know where he is?"

"Of course I can! The question is, can you~?"

"Spence, I would really appreciate it if you could talk in plain English, and not cryptic questions right now." I looked into the distance. "This is my head, huh? And anything I say goes?"

"Pretty much. But don't overexert yourself or you'll get a wicked nosebleed."

"Oh boy."

"All very complicated. Point being, you're the boss."

I started walking in no particular direction.

"Can they know when I change things?"

"Of course. They live here too, you know." he said, almost in a melancholy tone.

I started walking a little bit faster. "So we should be quick about it."

"You should probably talk with them." he yelled, as he started taking a few steps to catch up with me.

I started walking a little faster. "Talk? I wanna get rid of the bastard."

"... no."

At this point, I normally would have stopped and looked at him. But I kept increasing speed, just slow enough that you couldn't consider it running, carrying my feet through the sand. I look back at him.


As he looked at me, I could feel the coldness from his eyes send chills down my spine. "They're a part of you. You can't just get rid of them! You can control it, prevent them from causing you pain, but you can't just... make them leave!"

I turned around, still keeping a pace. "I don't care about the kid. He can stay. But that thing has go to. Actually, I don't want to make him go, I want him dead."

"I'm telling you, you can't-"

"What? I can't be in control of my own mind? Do you like the idea that one of these days I might" And out of nowhere, came Grov, tackling Spencer from the side,knocking him into a ditch.


Grov pulled a knife from a small sheath in his leg. "I'm fixing this!" He yelled, in a voice unlike any human one I had heard before. Spence gave a well aimed kick to the his stomach, jamming his heels into the man's armpits, throwing him off in one continuous motion.

"And how, exactly, are you planning on doing that?"

Grosvenor landed on his back, which you could tell knocked the wind out of him. "By... by keeping you in here, and getting out." He says in a pained voice.

Spence yells. "Me? How in hell's name do you think THAT'S going to happen?"

"Shut the fuck up!" He tried to upright himself "I will fucking destroy you. I don't care what you are." He picked up his knife..

"Todd, um, do your stuff?"

"Stuff? What stuff? How am I... what do I?" I yelled. Grov started hacking away at Spencer.

"Just make him stop!" he yelled back, blocking off the attacks.

I panicked. Thoughts raced through my brain. I couldn't focus on any one idea other than Oh God, anything to get this guy to stop. I felt a sort of rush through my mind, and suddenly, Grov stopped moving completley. He dropped the knife. From the distance I was at, I could see that some sort of plant was growing around him, over his hands and up his neck.

Spencer screams "No, fuck, Todd, NO!"

"Am I..." I walked closer to him. "Am I doing this?"

"For fuck's sake, not the tree-" he looks at me, eyes wide. "GET IT UNDER CONTROL!"

I looked at Grosvenor, covered in vine-like substance, completely helpless and afraid. "The tree? You say that like it's something important."

"The Bleeding Tree. And unless you want it's image in your fucking head, I suggest YOU STOP THAT RIGHT NOW."

At the time, I had no idea what the Bleeding Tree was, exactly, but I was pretty sure it wasn't good news. But still, I had the thing in my grasp. I could have gotten rid of it right there. "I..." The vines started retracting from his skin and back into the sand.

Spencer rushed over to him. "Grov. Grov, you alright?" He let out a gasp, catching his breath. The lower portion of his body remained frozen.

I became furious. "You're fucking sympathizing with this thing?"

"I'm sympathizing with something that can't help what it is." Spencer replied. "This is YOU, Todd. He... he's protecting you. The only way he knows how...." He tried getting a response out of Grov.

"Oh, fuck this." I ran towards the two of them, shoving Spencer out of the way. I tackled Grov, pushing him onto his back. As he landed, I could hear a very loud, very painful sounding crack.

".... heh." I looked back at Spencer. He was smiling."Fight it out, gentlemen." Bipolar prick.

I stood, ready to do just that. But as I drew back my fist, I noticed that Grov's legs were broken right above the calf. The bones were sticking straight through the fabric of his pants. It was too much. "What... the... FUCK."

Spencer spoke. "You see? Is this what you want to be, Todd? Beating up on the one person that, quite possibly, knows you best?" he calmed his tone a bit. "Accept him, Todd. Accept it all. Only then can you be in control."

Of any possible request he could have made, he made the single one I didn't want him to. "Spence," I said, breathing heavy. "I would really apreciate it if you shut the fuck up right now."

"You're going to kill him. you're going to end up a braindead idiot because you're stubborn. Is that what you want?"

"That... that wouldn't happen."

"You seem to be doing an awfully good job as it is!"

"You're ordering me to take pity on the guy who planned out individual ways of killing us all?"

"I'm ordering you to calm down and figure out what you want to do!" he yelled. "Look at him!" I did.

I saw a face covered in what looked burns, welts, scars, among other things. It showed pain. Looking at that face made time stand still, if just for a second. I started laughing."You know what I want to do?"

"I know what you want. But if you kill him, you might was well kill me."

I looked back at him. He had this grin on his face, but it wasn't his usual one.It literally spread all the way across his face. His eyes flashed auburn. "How about it, then? Going to destroy all the monsters?"

I felt annoyed. It was like he was showing off, and asking if I should kill everyone who had a fancier car then me. There was too much pride in his sentence. "Spencer, I will admit I'm horrified right now, but the things is, you've never threatened any of us. You're our leader. And as fucked up as you are, you couldn't possibly know what it's like to have a whole nother part of you, completley independent from yourself, wanting to kill everyone you love. But the thing is..."

"Well here's the leader that saved your life." he interrupted me. "Done a lot of good, done a lot of bad. But you know what? Grov has saved your life on more than one occasion. Are you just going to throw that away?" He laughed, the sound depraved and sick. The shadows behind him start growing.

"Do you know what they used to call me, Todd? Spencer isn't my real name. I never even HAD a name. no, they called me Teller... Storyteller....." Grosvenor started screaming in pain from the ground.

"Shut up," I ordered him.

He stared coughing. "Heh. Not the only one with an estranged identity, huh?" he said through gritted teeth. I gave him a look.

"You think Grov is a monster?" laughed Spencer. "Your leader, who you love so much is worse, has killed more people, is infinitely more dangerous!" I didn't respond. "Is that what it is? As long as it doesn't effect you, you don't care?"

"Me? I don't care about me. If he made me suicidal, I would give less then one shit."

"Honestly, you're so stupid! Everything he did, he did for you! To protect you! To keep you safe!" He took a step forward.

"Spence, get back. You're talking crazy right now. Being in here is not good for you."

"I'm not letting you hurt him. If you're going to take control, you do it properly. What are you, a child? give you a hint of power and you take a mile?" Anger resonates through his voice. "I DIDN'T. DO THIS. SO THAT YOU. COULD RUIN. EVERYTHING!"

His yell cleared the air and left only silence.

Grov began laughing painfully. I glared at him. Then back at Spencer. "You're saying... you're saying I can't kill him?" It came out really quiet, very frightened.

"No. He's you. You can't." he said softly. "This isn't his fault."

I looked back at Grov's mutilated legs, and the knife that was now at his side. I picked it up and marveled at it. "So, then. I can't kill him. I just need to... keep him under control?"

Spencer didn't like where I was going with that. ".... work with him. Surely, having an efficient killer at your beck and call isn't a bad thing?"

I became angry at that recommendation. "Well, if we're using your mentality, yeah." I held the knife close. After a second, of silence, I heard the snapping of fingers. The knife vanished.

"Don't be an idiot."

"No, no, you don't understand. I won't kill him. But... he's not a real, living thing. He couldn't die by bleeding out, right?"

"He feels pain. Why not make him loath you? Want to kill you? That's smart."

"Cut off his legs. His arms. Sew is eyes shut. Sew his mouth shut." I looked back up at Spencer.
"That sound familiar?"

His eyes went cold again. "Lock him up. I don't care. But don't hurt him."

I looked back at Grov. "You understand, Todd?" Spence snarled.

I didn't respond. "I'll ask you again. DO YOU UNDERSTAND?!?" I felt all my emotions evacuate my body. My face went numb. "No. Not at all." Against my will, the vines began to grow around Grov again. Suddenly, they turned, and started growing around me. I heard Spencer take a step in the sand towards me.

"Listen," he whispers in my ear. "I got into your head with a phrase. What do you think it would take me to break it? Ruin it all? Make you my perfect little obedient employee? So listen to me, and listen close; I am telling you to not hurt him. You're not scared of the right person, Todd."

I could feel the anxiety well up inside me. "The question is, why should I have to be? I thought we all had one common enemy. I thought this was supposed to be the tale of how everyone fucking gets along until the Tall Man comes and takes them away. This isn't supposed to be so... fucked up. We aren't supposed to be this fucked up.

"What happens when you don't want to get the blood on your hands, Todd? What happens when it all becomes all too much? You can't run, not anymore. Hiding is a waste of time. So what did you do?"

"You're supposed to flop over and die. Accept it. Be a fucking man about it. You don't become... whatever you are."

"... and how about you? For the suicidal idiot you are, you wanted to live. But you just couldn't do that, could you? Couldn't accept your survival instinct for what it was worth! Your brain was forced to make a choice; kill or be killed... Guess which one it chose."

I didn't say anything. The vines began to retract back into the sand again.

"You know what I think, Spence?"

He didn't hear me. "He did this. This murderous psychopath, it's all for you. All so you could live your happy little life without having to deal with it." He stopped. ".... what was that, toddykins?"

"I think, fuck you. Fuck you, fuck him, fuck me, fuck Slender man." The vines were completely in the ground now. I started to walk away. Spencer didn't follow. "I'll be back." I yelled, keeping my eyes in front of me.

Apparently, the conversation continued on without me. All that's written here is the dialogue.

"... that could have gone better." said Spencer, I presume.

"I agree with what he said. Fuck you." replied Grov, I'm pretty sure.

"Hey. It was either that or you coming down with a bad case of the deads. Us psychopathic murderers have to stick together, riiiiiight~?"

"Please. Don't try and relate to me. Hey, get the fuck off of me, you...""

"Not trying to. figured you wouldn't want to die, though. If I were you? I'd run. He's going to be back, and I won't be here to talk him out of it."

"He wouldn't kill me. He hasn't got the balls. That's the reason he has me."

"Hahahahahahaha! You really think so? Best of luck, then, Hunter. I wouldn't put it past him. Remember...." Spence probably smiled right around here, I can just tell. "I chose them all for a reason."

"You... you shut up! Shut up! You know goddamned well he wouldn't! I'm the killer! He's just the scared kid! Shut up!"

"How does it feel, Grov? To know that he's one step away from not needing you~? After all, he's not calling your name anymore, is he?"


"Temper, temper; So the hunter becomes the prey! Well, nothing more I can do for you now. You owe me, you know. For saving your pathetic, obsolete life."

"Fuck you. Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you... I don't owe you anything, bastard."

"You owe me everything, and you know it. you'd be dead, Grovvie. Plain and simple. you're lucky the only thing I ask is that you keep Todd and Syb safe. Oh, and Grov~? You ever threaten my team again? You see what I can do when I'm not even trying. Anything Todd would do to you will look like child's play. Comprende?"

"I'll be sure not to threaten them first, next time."

"Sure. I was surprised you gave advance warning."

"But He's not the only one watching, you know."

"Yeah. I know. Don't let Todd kill you. Best of luck, Hunter. when's the best time for me to visit? Haven't talked with Syb in a while."

"You keep your fucking hands off of the kid."

"Still suspicious? Fine, fine... I'll have to show up unannounced... the things you make me do, sweetheart, honestly!"

"I swear to whatever God you worship, if you lay one finger on the child, I will rip you to pieces, regardless of whatever Superpowers you have."

"You seem to not understand my motives, Grov. Sybil, for all intents and purposes, is useless to me. I keep an eye on him. That's all. Innocenceignorenceinsanity, am I right? For an insane monster, you're sure protective, aren't you?"

"The reason I was made. But the thing is, I'm suspicious of what you do to people who are 'useless' to you. Nothing favourable, I'm sure."

"Have I ever laid a finger on Sam?" A sigh "I'm not your enemy, Hunter. It would be nice if you didn't treat me as such. "Well, at least, not yet. Do something stupid again and I'm going to make you wish you were never born."

"Good. That would make two of us."

"Cute. What would Syb do without you? So much potential.... you know, maybe he'd be useful after all.... Sam is turning out quite nicely..."

"Just stay away from him. If Todd and I go, nad he's the only one left, just let him go. He's better off without you."

"Well, you're just going to have to stick around, now won't you? You and Todd, friends forever. you won't react to your own safety? fine. Todd is mine. You are mine. And the kid...? Well, that's your choice, now isn't it?""

"Sick. You're sick. Did your mom not love you enough, sick bastard?"

"I never had a mother. This is all I know. Sad, isn't it?" (The word "smiling" is written next to this one... great.)

"Stop. Stop making us look similar."

"I'm not doing anything, Grov. Maybe we're both more alike than you think."

"Just stop it. Go. Go get Todd before he does something else stupid."

"He'll be walking back here in two minutes. Minds aren't very big." A sigh. "Best of luck, my Hunter. Seems that you're going to need it."

"Probably not. On account you're imprisoning me here. AGAIN."

The transcript ends there. I found myself back in the house again after a while. I haven't talked to Spencer since. I'm still trying to convince myself that staying here is better than going out there. But it's just a little annoying when you find out someone you've looked up to for a long time is making you become the killer even though the only reason you came to him is so you wouldn't.

I looked up the Bleeding Tree. Yeah, no good news there.

Look, Spence, I still trust you, but it's not blind trust anymore. If I had known I'd have to be a killer either way... I don't even know. Is it too much to ask for me not to kill anyone? Dammit.

God Fucking Dammit.


  1. In this business... that's not such an easy thing. Look, I'm going to come find you. Sounds like you might need to talk...

  2. Well.
    Now's as good a time as any.

  3. Yeah, better come while things are quiet. Wouldn't want to see us on a bad day

  4. "My heart’s so hard’ned I cannot repent.
    Scarce can I name salvation, faith, or heaven,
    But fearful echoes thunder in mine ears..."

    Thought I might take a leaf from Raven's book.

    Spence...Is this how you do it? Loops and Clockwork Orange quotes?

  5. Slaughterhouse Five and Fight Club are the usual, actually.

    Good to hear you're better after all... that. Even if 'better' is still far from okay.

    Let Elaine talk to you, yeah? She'll be able to help.

  6. Technically, Amanda, I probably will. I'm gonna be here for a while, I think.

    And August, thanks for the vote of confidence.

    Todd, hopefully I did help. At least a little.

  7. There's a difference between loop-like and an actual loop. You'd be wise to learn it, Leon.

    And the quote is just a sequence. Can't have someone stumbling into people's heads by accident.

  8. Oh look, Amanda my dear. There's a mouse in our house.

    G'day, Elly. I'm out at the moment, but I may head back now. It'll be good to finally put a face to your intriguing opinions.

    Amanda, I've picked up another deck of smokes. Come meet me in the garage in a bit, I cannot be bothered looking all over the House for you.

  9. Hell is empty,
    And all the devils are here

    Or there rather. No devils here Mr. Steele.

  10. Steele...
    You call me Elly again, I deck you. Seriously. Otherwise, I'll look forward to meeting you. It should be interesting.

  11. "████████!" said I, "thing of evil!—███████ still, if bird or devil!—

    Perhaps the above is what you were implying? Trust me, Mr. Steele, my count, and work, have been quite thorough.

  12. Huh, well I just spent most of last night going through this blog...and...I'm still not completey sure what to think of this. Thanks for the post August, but I guess you'll always be Mr. Mom to me.

    Umm...and Hi everyone else. I'm glad things seem to be a bit better now, especially for you Todd. They seemed pretty bad there for a little while. I agree with what Spencer said, about the Grosvenor guy. He isn't seperate from yourself, so please try and make peace. You don't have to use him or control him, but just come to terms with him, and with yourself.

    That's the best I can give you guys for now. Thanks again for the delivery.

  13. Elaine: Don't be so offended. He does it to everybody. He just called me Elly the other day.

    Jade: Thanks. I'm trying to come to terms with coming to terms with it. It's harder to accept him when you've seen some of the things he's done.

    Surge: If that was your attempt to seem like Raven, you may have to choose quotes from more... complex literature than Mother Goose.

  14. I didn't know this was 'let's recite nursery rhymes' time now! I wish someone would have told me.

  15. Surge: Se non è vero, è ben trovato
    (Even if it is not true, it is well conceived)
    Your attempt is neither artful nor true.
    take thy form from off my door!


  17. Todd, no one uses a cute nickname for me. This is just a friendly warning. You call me Elaine. Or, if you're very, very lucky, Ma'am.

  18. i SEEK not to impress not imitate as YOU would have it but by His WILL i shall do what i must.

    words do not come easily here.

  19. oh LOOK at ME I'm capitalizing random WORDS.