See, I found this passageway into Narnia, and I became the queen and stayed there for thirty years killing witches and having tea with goats and all that stuff, and I just came back and it’s only been a month in this world…
…yeah I wish.
I’ve pretty much been on…vacation, let’s call it...for the past few weeks. Actually, I moved down into one of the parts of the House that nobody’s been in for years. Partly out of curiosity, partly out of everyone in this place is going crazy and I need to get out of here.
The House is huge. It’s ridiculous. I don’t think anyone could find me back here even if they wanted to. There’s all this weird stuff here, too. I found a whole bedroom full of creepy old dolls. I mean, who the hell lived here and collected dolls? Who even had this house before the couriers did? I’m putting these on my “ask August” list. Which I’m totally making right now.
Oh. The reason I’m posting. I haven’t been keeping up with the blog – I didn’t even know Elaine was here until August sent me 3,794 texts basically saying “IT’S ELAINE’S BIRTHDAY, GET YOUR BUTT BACK TO CIVILIZATION AND EAT WITH US.” That was a couple weeks ago, obviously. And I went. Elaine seems like a nice lady even if she’s a little weird. But anyway.
Last night I heard somebody in this part of the house. Didn’t recognize the voice, couldn’t make out any of the words. So I barricaded the door and looked on the blog and oh hello there is an insane murderer who is sharing our house with us.
I don’t know if it was Morningstar I heard or not. At least…God, I hope it was him. Either way I have to get out of here. I’m packing up and making a run for the main part of the house as soon as I post this. Just keep your fingers crossed I’m not brutally murdered on the way.
See you soon,
-Sam ♪
P.S. One of the dolls looked lonely, so I kept her. I hope that’s okay.
P.P.S. Her name is Matilda.
Oh honey, you're so cute.
ReplyDeleteSam made it back fine, by the way; Steele isn't referring to a dismembered corpse.
ReplyDeleteIn hindsight, kind of an important detail to leave out, Leon.
Sam, he won't hurt you. But I guess I can't blame you for being scared.
ReplyDelete... You're letting him roam around freely? Are you all suicidal?
ReplyDeleteWho knows? They do live in a madhouse.
ReplyDeleteI think they said they had him locked in the basement, so it seems like they didn't know they had locked Sam in with him.
ReplyDeleteSam: Are you feeling alright? I'm in no state to do anything major, but if you're feeling ill and need some medicine, I can help with that.
ReplyDeleteBoss, I'd be very concerned if Steele was referring to the corpse of one of our teammates as "honey."
Wait, Ben, basement? There's no room full of dolls in the basement, at least that I'm aware of. Unless she's carrying around a preserved raccoon she's decided to make her best friend (very unsanitary, by the way, please don't ever do that), she's not in the basement.
I also wasn't aware that Star's wandering around. If no one's been murdered yet, I don't think I'm awake enough to care yet.
Also, hello everyone, I just woke up. I don't really remember getting home last night, it's all a bit of a blur. Sort of like existing right now is a blur of pain. I think I'm due for my brunch and morphine shot, excuse me.
Sam, be careful with that doll. I think it has lice. Or some sort of bugs.
ReplyDelete... and who says it was Morningstar? If he's locked in the basement, and there's an unknown person who is in the not-basement, it does not take a genius to work out that it is probably not Morningstar.
ReplyDeleteTwo maniacs in the house! And Morningstar!
:I
ReplyDeleteReally, guys?
Really?
Wait, so what you're saying is that there is another maniac in the house other than Morningstar?
ReplyDeleteWhy do I not find this hard to believe?
How unfortunate to have an unknown intruder in your midst.
ReplyDeleteDo take care, children.
♪
Welcome back, sweetie. When we get back from Arizona I'll be sure to wash Matilda for you; be careful with her, alright? If you see anything crawling I suggest you bleach her.
ReplyDeleteBe safe, and try to stay away from... whatever is in our house.
If all else fails? Burn it
ReplyDeleteWorks on vermin, works on intruders
Incidentally, are sure it's not Elaine wandering around?
ReplyDeleteManiac wandering the house?
ReplyDeleteSounds about right.
Spency, Elly, don't you guys go off a-murderin' whilst Mommy and Daddy are out on delivery, our ACTUAL job.
And look after Star; the conditions for you keeping him was that you'd feed him, wash him, clean up any accidents...Don't make us take him back to the pound! If he pees on the rug, someone's going to pay.
"The tortoise lays on its back, its belly baking in the hot sun, beating its legs, trying to turn itself over but it can't. Not without your help. But you're not helping."
ReplyDelete