You see Sam, this is why people need me.
Just because there's a faceless deity stalking you, doesn't mean other things aren't trying to kill you. Sure, I can carry a package like hell, but the thing is, if Mr. Tall feelsthe need to throw some guy in a hoodie at you,that's where I come in. I'm the escort man. I can guarantee that no one else other than Mr. Tall and his many-a-tentacles will be bringing you down. When trouble rears it's ugly head, I will be there. To stab the fuck out of it.
But why would I be joining a group like this one now? It's true, I would never lower myself to the position of delivery boy under any normal circumstances, but lately, I've come to the realization that the others have known for quite some time. I don't have much longer. I've been running for years, and I thought I could run for a lot longer, but I found out the Man wears on other things than your mind. It turns out he can take a toll on your body as well. Picture this: A 6'5" bald, black man, walking into a pharmacy to steal over-the-counter arthritis medication. Pretty pathetic, huh?
Spence found me in the middle of one of my relapses. I was somewhere spraypainting a circle with an 'X' through it somewhere, with a batshit-crazy look in my eye. He never told me the full story, but he must have been pretty damn convincing in getting me to calm down, cause I haven't gone mad since. Now, it's just a matter of waiting until the lights turn off, and I wake up covered in their blood.
So, if ushering people helps take my mind off the pain, so be it.
Not likely, bud. 'Member, I chose y'for a reason, yeah?
ReplyDeleteFFFFFFFFFFT. It's two AM 'smwhere.
Honestly? I could take you. Even if you mustered up all your strength, you'd just end up on the ground. You don't even use Drunken Fist style or whatever, more like Drunken... Log... Style.
ReplyDeleteI AM HEAVY AND I COULD FALL ON YOU.
ReplyDeleteCASE CLOSED.
Covered in my blood? My dear I most /certainly/ disagree with that statement. I'm far too pretty to die by mortal hands.
ReplyDeleteOh, and if you ever need something for that arthritis, I'll procure it for you.
And I'll even charge you mate's rates!
Todd, you seem nice and all, but the only thing I can think after reading this is PLEASE DON'T KILL ME IN MY SLEEP.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry.
Hey, I never said I WANTED to do anything to you guys. All I'm say is that lots of people are haunted for a long time, and nothing extremely bad happens until they start blogging about it.
ReplyDeleteFFFFFFFFFFT. That's the simples' way of lookin' at it. Nobody's gonna kill nobody. Play nice, kids!
ReplyDeleteNot everyone owns a blog, Todd. Some people don't even have the opportunity to make a blog before shit hits the fan. Not that it'd cross their minds, what with the running for their lives and everything.
ReplyDeleteThe people in legitimate danger aren't wasting their time, they don't catch a break, they have no downtime. They run, and the moment they stop they die.
That's why bad stuff only occurs after people start blogging over it. The others are already dead.
Eh, I figure you're no more dangerous than the rest of the 'friends' I have. No worries on my being afraid of you. Hell, I don't even know if you're still alive. Hope you are, for the record.
ReplyDelete