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Saturday, 31 March 2012

[Let me tell you a story.]



[Once upon a time, there was a Man, and a Doctor, and a Boy, and his Father


(Not the Father
but rather
A Father.
The best Father
a Boy could ask for.)

And this Man, and this Doctor
Were being chased by the trees
The Man having been raised surrounded by them, farmed for fear and fame and glory
And the Father and the Boy were being chased too.



So it goes.]

no no no NO NO DON'T TELL THEM PLEASE
PLEASE

[The Man had done work for the Father before, a client, like any other. Except...

The Father had a House, or rather, he had found a House.
A place, he bemoaned, that had a mind of its own.
That caught the Man's interest. He thought that the House would keep him and
His
Doctor
Safe from the trees.

(And it did,
until it didn't. But that's
another story.)

The Father, however, knew better than that.
Because he knew that Man was not really a
Man
at all.]

why are you doing this to me I don't want to remember
I DON'T WANT TO REMEMBER

[Rather

He was a Mongrel. A wolf in sheep's clothing. And he had a rather bad
habit
Of throwing people away when he was done with them.

On a long enough timeline,
The survival rate of everything drops to
Zero.

So the Father refused. But the Man was clever and wily and knew nothing of mercy. So if the Father wouldn't protect them from the trees

Then he wouldn't be protected either.]

Haha, is that what this is? Am I being punished? How about we tell them everyone's story, huh? How about Doc? How I burned down the mental institution she was in to leave no tracks behind? How she was legally DEAD?!? How about how I took Todd off the street, practically a Proxy himself, and made him into a fucking experiment?

[The Man lead the trees to the Father, and let him decide the fate of the Boy

A hostage situation
Fit for kings

He gave his answer.Then the Father looked at the Man and told him that he pitied him; He was dead soon after that. So then there was a Man, a Monster, a mad Doctor, a broken Boy -Who all played their parts well- Who all, maybe understood each other...]

How about Amanda, then? How she was young and quick and how I needed a runner that could outrun everything and anyone and Steele who I KNEW would come back, his interest caught, after I had nearly killed him and Sam
 oh god she's going to die too
She's going to DIE AGAIN

[The reluctant Hunter, the crippled Crow, the hubris infected Lion, the innocent Lamb

And maybe this wasn't so bad after all. The Boy might've known the entire time. But as it turns out

Life isn't fair.

The Boy died before the Mongrel did. But a Monster can't have that kind of luck forever.

The Boy knew that
And the Father knew that
And the Man knows that

It's just a matter of time before the curtain call.
Needless to say

There's no need for a Mongrel in the next production.]


I don't want this
please, for fuck's sake

make it stop

Sunday, 25 March 2012

~Steele~ If you’re not with us…

I’m not at the House. I’m on the way to DC. With a package, of sorts. Spence may say we’re not doing deliveries anymore, but I think we’re all acutely aware now, of the fact that I disagree with him occasionally.

Besides, this is a favour for an old friend. An old friend who I met in the strangest of places the other night. A warehouse in Detroit; not exactly the place I generally try to spend my Saturday nights, but a friend of mine invited me around to have a look at a personal project of his.

”Your House. It’s a community solution to an individual problem. People don’t Run in packs. The Runner’s experience is solitary, isolating, imperative, for that is how He operates; divide and conquer. Make the target drop from civilized society, then hunt them. A safehouse, a home base, an indivisible group that can split and reconnect, provide aid and structured networks…Only when we stop Running, can we start Fighting.”

So that’s what he did. Invited a bunch of Runners to start a community in a warehouse. Fantastic idea for me, but only one reason was on my mind as I pulled up outside the warehouse, with Poe perched on the passenger’s seat: With a group of runners from all across the area, all with their own distinct history, surely one of them would have some information on our red-headed friend.

Turns out, someone did; but it was the last person I expected. For while I was looking for information, I had in the back of my mind; three family members down, our ‘community solution to an individual problem’ wasn’t exactly working out. Clearly someone had missed those memos before starting this little…safeHouse.

Particularly, this one.

The smell of blood was tangible as I opened the door, rushing out to occupy the cool night air. An invisible red mist. I shouldn’t have walked in. Recent events have made me try to play the big damn hero, but that’s just not who I am; I am, and always have been, a survivor. I’ve always wanted to extend my life, but I’ve been throwing myself into these dangerous situations without a care.

Poe cawed and flew to land smartly on my shoulder; he smelled the blood too.

Either I’ve been lying to myself all along, or I’ve finally realised; the only way to truly prolong life is to stand your ground, not to live in retreat. If you run from your troubles, you aren’t truly living. You’re subsisting. Living is not delaying death.

So I stepped across the threshold and drew my handgun. Click.

As I walked down the corridor, I could hear scraping from up ahead; the screech of metal against metal, the tearing of metal against flesh, the sawing of metal against bone. The smell of blood was mixed with something else now; something chemical, formaldehyde…an oddly sterile smell to be mixed with the scent of such violence.

You know what this means. You’ve smelled this before.

I came to the corner, and peered around, agonizingly slow, only to have my suspicions confirmed.

The warehouse floor was covered in blood. Absolutely covered; the shimmering red reflected the light from the middle of the room, centred on a single table, with a man lying on it. There were other tables, too, about 15 of them; a man and a woman were hooked up to IVs and oxygen masks on two of them, strapped down on these makeshift gurneys; not moving…barely breathing. But still alive, very much still alive.

Unlike the man on the table. It wasn’t even a man; it was only most of a man. The skin had been flayed from his flesh at his extremities, the exposed tendons of his arms and legs gave way to white bone. His chest had been broken open like the covers of a book, and inside was…not much. Filed up neatly along the edge of an operating table was a series of jars containing what were presumably some of the man’s organs, preserved and labelled meticulously. Below the table were several black garbage bags, glittering and dripping menacingly with fluids. In fact, below a LOT of tables were several black garbage bags; the only tables that did not have that particular feature were the tables that were occupied by those uncannily still people.

And in the centre of the room was the architect of this macabre project, her long black hair framing her bone mask; for it truly was made of sizable shards of bone, most of which looked to be human, though there was one part which was definitely from a male deer skull, according to the broken off antler that slightly protruded. The mismatched, Frankenstein-esque conglomerate of bone material had two small eyeholes, underneath which the glint of a pair of glasses was visible.

Doc. What has He done to you?

I pulled back around the wall slowly, but Poe, the scavenger, had other plans; he squawked excitedly and took flight around the corner, landing on one of the garbage bags underneath one of the empty tables, and started tearing at the plastic. Doc stopped her operation and looked up at the corridor, as I realised I’d been discovered, and changed tactics; standing up and slowly walking towards her.

"Lori…what have you done to him?” I asked mournfully, standing a fair distance from the table. Lori put her tools down, and with empty hands, slowly walked around the table to stand in front of me. I could see her eyes beneath the mask; she looked happy. She reached into her pocket, and I pulled my gun out of mine. “Easy now. No sudden movements.” She knew the score, and continued to rummage around in her pockets, eventually pulling out a yellow lollypop and a crumpled up note, holding it out to me with a curiously serene look in her eyes. I took them both, and pocketed them, continuing to stare at Lori.

You know what He’s done to her.

He’s done it before.

You know only too well.

”Lori, are you okay?” I ask shakily, not expecting much in the way of an answer, as she ran back around to the other side of the table and grabbed a package, passing it to me. It said “RIVERS” in messy handwriting.

Giggle, nod. It doesn’t take a genius to see that she’s no longer all there.

Oh, but she is. You know that. You know that the dead bodies around you weren’t taken by her, they’re His fault.

”Do you remember August, Lori?” I felt moisture seep from the corner of my eyes, as the twinkle in her eyes faded, and the giggling stopped. Nod.

”Remember the man who killed him? You found Writer, didn’t you?” I asked.

Of course. You have more important things to do, don’t you? Always did have a one-track mind. This isn’t your friend anymore, she’s not even a murderer anymore, she’s a broken means to a violent end.

She nodded, and there was a growling sound from underneath the mask, a gurgling, guttural affair. With that, she reached down to the bottom of her shirt, and lifted it just slightly, revealing a stitched up wound across her stomach, a thin, cruel slash.

Well, she won’t be your means if you don’t play ball a little.

”That’s our Lori.” I said, smiling a little, in spite of myself. It didn’t extend to my eyes. “You wanted revenge for our August, didn’t you?”

Nod nod.

”Tell me where Writer is. Let me finish the job. We can get him. We can fix this.” I pleaded. Lori blinked, opening her mouth to speak, tears openly in her eyes.

She’s so…collected.

The illusion was broken when all that came from her mouth was a collection of sounds; as if she knew what she was talking about, but her mouth wouldn’t move in the right ways. She stopped, frustration in her eyes, and tried again, before giving up with a sigh.

It was a long shot, anyway.

”Can you show me?” I asked Lori, similarly as hopefully. She pulled out a pad of paper and began to write, as the smells of the warehouse assaulted my senses once more.

She’s still there, but look what she did. The team doctor has a body count. And here you are asking for directions, like that’s all excusable. Like brief moments of sentience make up for murder. I suppose even a lion is seen as graceful and majestic, when it’s not hunting.

She ripped off the sheet of paper and handed it to me. I took a brief look at it and pocked it again.

These people had families, just like Lori’s part of yours. She’s just made 10 more graves for people to stand over and mourn, people to declare revenge, people to lose their minds over…

”Thank you, Lori…I’m going to miss you.” I said, moving towards the door. She made a low, rumbling sound from beneath the mask. Almost like a purr.

Lorelei,

Never had I met a person as smart and kind as you. Sure, we had our…creative differences, particularly about the when, where and whys of drug use, but we developed an understanding of each other, a mutual acceptance…and even a friendship. We’ve been here from the start, you and I. Ever since that day I came barrelling into yours and Spencer’s life, you’ve been there to support us, to pick us up when we fall down, to clean us up when we got messed up after a mission.

Then the others came. one, two three four five….All the other couriers. You and I, we’ve seen them all. The young kids through to the older, seasoned recruits. Our family grew…but there were always the injuries you couldn’t fix.

I never knew how you did what you did. How you cared so damn much about people, and continued your life even after you tried your hardest to save them, and it wasn’t enough. I can only imagine what you must’ve felt, being so incredibly involved, and so incredibly vulnerable. I closed myself off, stayed aloof, didn’t let myself become anything other than the guy who gets things done. You stayed, and you cared. That took incredible strength, strength I could never match.

People called you a bit of a mad scientist; I may have started that. “Doc” as a nickname stuck a lot better than I expected. I hope you liked it, I never meant it in a mean way. You always cared for your research, but it was always to help someone. Everything you do, everything you have done, has been for the greater good of some cause; be it to cure Spencer like recently, or the plethora of times you’ve figured shit out. A problem solver.

”Lori, how’s your research going?”
She made a ‘so-so’ sign with her hand.
”Can I see it?”
Her face lit up as she led me by the hand to the desiccated organs and open corpse in the middle of the room, before picking up two pairs of blue latex gloves and passing them to me.
”Meticulous as usual, I see.” I said, as I put the gloves on.

You put such passion into your work. Because you knew what you were doing was the right thing to be doing. I never had that luxury, I always questioned myself. I always do question myself.

I’m questioning myself now…but I know you wouldn’t. You’d look at me, and you’d smile, and you’d understand. It had to be done. It makes sense. I’d have done the same.

I hope.

Please, don’t hate me.

Lori turned around and leaned down to point to a part of the man’s brain, which stood there exposed, raw and bloody. In turn, she also exposed the back of her own head, her slightly frazzled black hair. She almost looked normal.

I had to be quick. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if she knew what was coming.

I reached into my pocket,

pulled out my gun

and fired twice.








I looked through my pockets when I was sitting in the car, and found the note about Writer, the lollypop, and the first note. “STEELE”, it said on the back.

I turned it over.

G'DAY STEELE! I'm so happy to see you again I've missed you all so much since I left but I promise I didn't mean to leave so suddenly I'll be home soon, really soon so take care of yourself or else. Research has been going well, tell Spencer that I should be able to help him more really soon the bodies have been giving me all sorts of good information, so don't worry about me I'm just fine and everything will be okay. KISSES, Lori.

I had to. She’d murdered an entire safehouse in cold blood.

I had to.

But her twinkling eyes were still there. Another pair of eyes to accompany the brilliant green pair in my mind.

And they’re all I see when I close my eyes.

hahahahaha
anotherone bites the god damn dust

no

there's no god here anymore.

There's no God here anymore, except for Him.



We're not doing deliveries anymore. We shouldn't have been doing them in the first place. The Couriers bring bad luck and pain and death wherever we go. I bring bad luck and pain and death wherever I go. I... I...



[It's alright, Spencer. Nobody is going to hurt you. Tell everyone what happened.]



... It was dark. No, it was bright. Day time. Safer. Safer to meet up with me. If anything, Mitch and Ryuu aren't stupid, but are shockingly well intentioned. She recognized me, Mitch. Nobody's ever mentioned how-



[Focus.]



"...caught in a moment where you're torn between some sort of... sadistic glee and horror? And, later, when you see yourself in a mirror... heh. Yes, I know what that's like, Spencer. The others don't tend to get it when you're torn between the two sides. Either they mock you for being senstive, or they yell at you for not being normal..." 


"... Or they think you're a traitor before you even pass go, and you're left wondering... "christ, for all my struggling, all my fucking suffering, did it do any good? Does it make any difference?" It's when you start to think like that when the trouble begins, eh? Because sometimes, one person believing in you, it's not enough. And it never will be enough. Not when it feels like the entire world has already written you off..." 



[Let me tell you all a story.]



"Do you know... what I find most hilarious? When things get rough and those once-friends slap you across the face... when people you thought were there to help you prove that they'd rather just walk away... who's there with open arms? With friendly words and smiles that never reach their eyes? Like ours never do? Proxies. Our siblings. So eager to hold out a helping hand when everyone else runs away.... and yet, none of them SEE it. None of them SEE they are practically BEGGING us to just BE as our natures WANT us to be. They don't realize that it's when you're covered in blood that... that you need help washing it off. To stop the shaking and get that stupid grin off your face... they don't realize it... and HOW THE HELL can't they realize that? These aren't stupid people. So HOW is that overlooked? HOW?"


"... Thank you. Fuck, I'm sorry. It's just, you know. So hard sometimes. With the Drums and the pounding and the laughter and they just look at you like you're... like you're not even human, like you never were human anyways and none of it is their fault. And then they have the nerve- the nerve to tell you to resist? To fight back? To act as if you're not trying hard enough? To tell you that you're weak?"




[It's about two people you knew quite well. Or you thought you knew. They're both dead now. One, a warrior. And one, a mongrel. A useless dog who never followed orders.]



Oh fuck, and just... everything was fine for a while, we talked and... she really, really just understood, understood like you all claim to understand and you don't and fuck there's all this blood and I can't get it off me


"What else do I have? What other line of resistance can I take? What else can I do? I'm not- I'm not sure what to do anymore. It hurts. It always hurts. Reminding me that I can only run for so long. And then? And then?!? When I finally reach the end of the road, when I can't fucking do this anymore, what's left for me? Death...? Is that what I have to look forward to?!?"


"...Yes. You decide what's worth clinging to - what's worth FIGHTING for - and you hang onto that. You don't let them TAKE that. We all do what we can with the time we're allowed, Spencer. Once you're in, there's no leaving alive. I'm sorry you never got a chance to know what 'out' was like..." 



[The mongrel admired the warrior, and wanted to know how she had severed her chain. And deep down, the warrior pitied him, for you see, once upon a time, she had been a mongrel as well.]



And for once everything was fine and it felt like everything would be fine forever but then
but then I saw them following us with their barely concealed non-nonchalance and fancy gear and their looks that screamed "Proxy. Inhuman. Monster." You can tell who they are and what they want to do
Moriarty's men
They want to kill you so much you can feel it



 "...Is it wrong to feel relief when you see the light at the end of the tunnel? Even if... it's hellfire? Never believed in that before all this shit. Kinda funny, eh?"


"... It helps if you have something to hold on to. Some sort of idea that... you'll get punished.


 "Forgiven."




[So it goes. But it's rather unfortunate, how the mongrel only brings his disease wherever he runs. This is all his fault, isn't it?]




We ran and we killed. And it was justified. It was fucking justified stop looking at me like that it was justified they were going to kill me! But we both got back to where we agreed to meet and then
the sky got darker
and all the noise of the city died down to only a hum
and the web of black started to wipe out the sky
And He


"What was the other option? Die? Would we have been 'saved' then? For chosing to die ourselves instead of killing others? The... puppeteer will just get new puppets if the previous ones are defective..."


""There will always be others. There will always be someone to take your place in this world. You will never be missed for long. It all goes on without you. And eventually... You'll be forgotten."




[But for once, for once, the mongrel decided to listen to our orders.]




And I
And I was on my knees
Waiting to die, watching Mitch walk towards Him and I




[Only one person had to die today.]




 "...The countdown finally reached midnight, then...?"




I turned my back on her like a coward and I ran
I ran and ran until I couldn't run anymore and there were so many voices telling me I had done the right
that I had done the right thing.




[Good dog. You'll get to rest soon.]




I'm sorry
I'm so, so sorry
Mitch is dead.

I left her there with Him
to die
and the only thing I could think of as I caught my breath
staring at my hands
was


"I'm next."

Tuesday, 20 March 2012

It’s almost comical, my dears...


I thought that after all that had happened to you and yours, Fitzgerald, (though you hardly resemble that man anymore, do you~?) it would be the revenge-crazed drug addict or the murderous schizophrenic to find me and try and take a chunk or two out of my flesh. Imagine my surprise when it’s your doctor, mad as a hatter and brandishing a femur of all things, who manages to jump me. Now, while my shoulder might be out of commission for the next little while and I’ve ruined my favourite suit, (something which I will be billing you for, Teller, once you’re back by my side) rest assured that at least half of the blood that covers the good doctor’s coat is her own, by my hand.


But don’t worry, I’ve kept her alive. She still has a role to play, after all~


Did you really think we would have just left you alone?  I’m honestly beginning to feel like a broken record here, but when my superiors begin with their incessant Writer, we haven’t received a report from you in well over two weeks despite knowing I had been busy finding my dearest squad leader (and you’ll all be pleased to know we’ve finally managed to recover the man, albeit not in the greatest condition) to attend to such trivial matters. Your lot was hardly any effort at all, so I’d hardly call it an addendum to my usual business to keep your darling selves occupied while I worked.


Oh but of course I had plans, didn’t I~? Lori had many a question about those bones I was eager to answer, sir Leon Steele was in much need of a reality check, (though he has proven to be the most intelligent of the couriers, he seems to lack the ability to follow through on his plans) and I had managed to locate Samantha’s darling sister for a positively touching reunion.

However, I would very quickly find out I would have little need for the girl.


And why is that, you ask?


Did it occur to any of you that all it took was one murder? All I had to do was take one life - one measly, insignificant little life, and suddenly you found your lives turned on their heads? You didn't need my involvement to tear yourselves apart~ But that's just how it goes, isn't it? I can hardly blame you. You destroy the caretaker, the custodian, the martyr, the mother, and everything falls


piece
by
little
piece~!


I didn't even have to destroy him as much as I did  - a simple bullet in the head would have done, and indeed was the original plan before that mess of complications – but, what can I say~? I had some pent-up emotions to work out, and he provided the perfect canvas.

Still, I do regret having to mar such a perfect face~


Speaking of the boy, he seems to have amassed a simply beautiful collection of documents. Files on his Home, each of the couriers (not just the seven you know, mind you – there are at least eighty files here, each one at minimum ten pages in length), but most interesting was a password-protected text file labelled “HONESTY EDITION.”


Needless to say, it was in reference to this post.


Now, I can summarize the contents of this particular document rather quickly. It’s nothing but notes on my dear Teller, afterall, and who better to talk about him but me, the man who’s raised him since he was but a boy, competing for his life in his little Colorado home~?


He was always a very promising protégé, and the contest only brought out the best in him. I remember having to call him in at least once a week to monitor his progress and chide him about something; some act of brutality or betrayal that suggested that darling Teller (now, forget the fact that the boy didn’t have a name until he began to work with me) wasn’t exactly ordinary. It was quite charming, really, to see so much bloodlust and determination in somebody so young. I suppose some are just born different, yes~? And if his latest descent into insanity hasn’t served as a reminder to all of you that Teller is, at his most basic level, a murderous sociopath with a desire to kill and manipulate and control. Much like the first Crafter I met, incidentally, and the one I would end up gearing my entire life around. Why should I have paid attention to him when it was my duty to oversee the raising of our newest additions to the organization?


Oh, and you thought this was an isolated event?


Non, non, we’ve been doing this for generations. Even when I came into my position of power some thirty years ago we were doing it. The skills were passed down from the cream of the crop – a Crafter much like Teller, with dark hair and amber eyes, who seemed to have the whole world spinning in the palm of his hand. I supposed it was out of a sort of misplaced desire to live up to his standards that I took Teller in as my own when he had finally managed to place at the top of his class, and we did work on quite a few projects in our time before he went rogue.


Really, I admired the persona he had managed to put on when this blog first came to light. All of you, really; so fresh-faced and innocent, giving so many intimate details away with every keystroke and comment – it was like you hadn’t been doing this for years. But as things started to fall apart again and again (and it was only until it happened a third time did I realize that the death of St. Claire would lead to your untimely demise) you revealed more and more of your true colours; Spencer, nothing but a mask; Lori, a mad doctor being held together by parlor tricks and blue tarps; Steele, staying with your ‘family’ out of a backwards sort of pride; Todd, already too far gone to be saved, used as little more than an attack dog; Amanda, too bitter and introverted to be of any use once things began to fall apart; Sam, little more than cannon fodder; and August, the broken mother-figure who somehow managed to hold you all together.



He thanked me, you know~



But I suppose congratulations are in order. You’ve managed to outlive my original estimates by two whole weeks~! I admit, six months was quite optimistic of me, but it wasn’t as if you could have lasted much longer anyway. In hindsight, my only regret is spending weeks toiling over Trackers’ reports and delivery schedules and power bills only to realize that the simplest solution has, once again, proven to be the best~


The couriers are finished, Teller. Your charade is over. This is bordering on ridiculous, and you’re losing your mind.


You know where to find me when you’ve decided to come home.

Sunday, 18 March 2012

walpurgisnacht

I know the look. The desperation in bloodshot eyes, the look of the coward. Of the liar. It burns, stings. It sickens me, because it's like looking into a mirror of my own ineptitude. It makes me want to die and I can't have that, oh no. He's still laughing. Laughing at everything I do, everything I try, it's just not good enough. There's the pounding of my heart in my chest, the pounding of the drums in my ears, counting every step I take

One, two, three, four, five, six...

Something has changed, something in the air, and I can feel myself perking, aware, awake. I know they're bad, that they're evil; I can taste it, taste how afraid they are, the uncertainty in their minds, the sweat that rolls down their foreheads.

TRUE! nervous, very, very dreadfully nervous I had been and am; but why WILL you say that I am mad? The disease had sharpened my senses, not destroyed, not dulled them...

I haven't changed, oh no, aside from for the better; the sickness has made everything sharper and crisper than it's ever been. I'm whole for the first time in a long, long time; here truly and fully; not an impression, not a ghost. Everywhere and nowhere all at once. I'm there as they whip their heads around to hear a twig that's snapped, a rustle in the forest. I'm there, but

They never see me

that's part of the rules, after all.


And so the Game begins.

They barely notice at first until they realize it's their blood dripping on the hard and cracked ground. And then they start to run again and the panic sets in and it dawns on them that they're not immune, that they're going to die too. Breathe in, breathe out. Slow steps turn to a hurried frenzy as they realize they're being followed. Quickened breath, faster, faster! The pounding grows in my head and the need grows in my chest, a knowledge that the monster will roar in triumph once I play the piano keys at my fingertips. But I wait. I wait because it will be so much sweeter that way.

I'm going to destroy you and everything you are, I'm going to chase and when you stop, I'll make you run some more. You won't stop you won't ever stop. I'll wake you up just as you fall asleep. You'll never know what's real and what's not, aside from the hunter...

Sixteen, seventeen, eighteen, nineteen...

Because it's then that you can start building worlds. Cogwheels and gears, lattice and tree branches. Bodies twisting into manikins of bone and nails. Dreams and nightmares mixing together like oil and water. Circus rings and skyscrapers going in all the wrong directions. Stumble and trip and forget which way is up. Sidewalks that end in abysses that have eyes, that gaze into your own and start to giggle.

It just takes one little push then.

You should hear how they all scream, Writer. Forced to stare into something that just mocks them. Forced to hear all the little voices inside their head while they face the darkness they were always so terrified to face. Some of them break right there. But some, oh, some, they hit the ground running. Fire and pits and brimstone. Panting, desperate assertions that this can't be happening. Chessboards and rivers of ink and ichor. Somewhere, the faint sounds of static and strings. Discord and order in a patchwork sky.

They bite their lips to keep from making noise until they bleed.

Sharp edges and spiders webs. It goes on forever, stretching out on lighten pathways to eternity. Stop to rest, and I just let them know I'm behind them. They take one second to catch their breath, and I'm there in their shadow. They open their mouths to scream, and I cut at their tongues. Bits and pieces of them start to vanish.

First, a finger. Then, a chunk of flesh; a flash of pain and silver, and then the slow drip. I wish you could see it~! The slow realization flashing across scarred features; then the nightmare truly begins.

Watching them lose hope is the best part. 

Some of them renounce god. Some of them renounce Him. Thunder and snowdrifts. It doesn't matter. Once they're in my world, I'm their new ruler. The new master of their destiny. Everything, slowly being wrenched away from their grasping fingertips.

twenty three, twenty four

I hear it now. See it; words and phrases, black on the corners of my vision; swarms of letters, because the music comes from everything. Footprints and bloody viscera. The beat. The rhythm. Louder, LOUDER. Lace and velvet, ashes as rain. Nothing is better than making a move to the cacophonous melody of last breaths and strained heartbeats. Glasswork and drops of mercury.  In my world, there is only my order. My chaos. I take everything from them, like how you took everything from me. And that gives me pleasure. I laugh. I laugh at them as they beg for it all to stop. 


The Game continues on.

I'm hunting the villains. I'm hunting the evil. And I'm taking everything from them before I kill them. I'm playing and toying and destroying. I'm destroying souls. I'm destroying something beautiful

I own this

and can crush heads with my fingertips and rip joints out of their sockets and dig my wrists into bone and muscle and peel skin back and make everything into a work of art. Paint pictures with a well placed word. See the world bustle at my feet.

And I can do it
over
and over
and over
and over
again.

Until there's no one left to ruin. No Game left to play.

But for now, there's plenty of players.

The wicked get a head start.

Run. 

Saturday, 17 March 2012

~Steele~ Amanda,

I'm heading back to the House now, love; so I can see you and pay my respects, but I just...I can't leave it 'till then. I'll be spending most of my time looking for...looking for Lori's body...so we can give her just as respectable a treatment.


But I haven't treated you respectably at all, have I?


I've failed you; but then again, I'd failed you long ago. Before this blog started, we were so close, we'd talk, we'd fight, we'd laugh...but once it started, I don't know what happened. We drifted apart, and you drifted away. You started showing up less and less to dinners, and I started being at the House less and less...



I thought you could protect yourself. You were always the friend I'd never need to worry about, the silent, dependable one who had just as much of a chip on their shoulder as I did, who knew what was right, what was wrong, and didn't give a fuck what anyone else thought because you knew your judgement was the only thing you could go by.





I miss you. I have missed you. I did miss you. I missed your injury, I missed your long recovery, I missed you just getting around on crutches...



I missed you doing the right thing, for Sam, for Lori. Our lives had split, and have run in parallel, never crossing, never wavering, just stoically moving on with what we have to. I guess what we had to do just never...involved each other anymore. We just had other priorities. I always thought that we'd get out of the stormy seas and it'd be business as usual again, we could sit out on the balcony and grab a smoke, mercilessly insult each other, catch up, tell stories about what we'd been doing for the last few months, the sort of stuff that you just can't capture in written format. You were never great at writing anyway. You were always so focused on reality, to an extent that I could never match, even when I try to be grounded, I try to be moral, I try to be someone that can take care of their own. Your line just continued on its path, getting shit done, getting healthy again...





then your line ended.














I'll take care of Poe. I need an old crow in my life.





i just wish it was still you.

-Sam- Blood

There's blood everywhere, and none of it is mine. I got it all over everything. How the fuck do you get blood out of carpets, anyway?

How long ago was it? an hour, maybe? two, three? I was just wandering around the house, and I saw movement out of the corner of my eye. It was Doc, still covered with blood and stuff, grinning like a maniac. I figured I was hallucinating, so I just decided to follow her and see what happened. No harm in that. She noticed me, but she just giggled and told me to be quiet because she was about to make history, whatever the fuck that meant.

I kept following, but things started feeling...wrong. The kind of wrong where your ears are ringing and you want to throw up. Then we got to the library and went inside and HE was there. Doc was laughing and I thought I was going to be sick. I reminded myself that it wasn't really happening.

Things get a bit fuzzy from there. I was staring into his face, everything else was background noise. Doc walked right up to him and started yelling.

"What are you gonna do, big guy? Here I am!" Laughing, coughing. A few shadows drifted up from his back, reaching toward Doc. She laughed more, high-pitched and crazy. "Grab me. I fucking dare you." I couldn't see what she was doing, I could only see the blank white face in front of me.

And then somebody shoved me out of the way, shouting "Oh, FUCK THIS." Amanda limped past me and I fell over, losing sight of him. She went straight to Doc, shaking her, trying to snap her out of it while I backed toward the door. I wasn't looking at him. I couldn't see his face, but I saw the tentacles reach out and grab Amanda and there was nothing I could do. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I thought Maybe this is really happening. I still couldn't do anything, what could I do? The tentacles wrapped around her and began to twist and she was screaming. I couldn't scream. I couldn't stop watching.

Doc giggled. She reached into her coat and pulled out a syringe, still talking to him.

"I'm gonna fucking kill you. I've got your death in my hands, I've got it right fucking here."

I didn't really catch what happened next, but there was a crack and Doc hit the floor, syringe flying. The tentacles started to wrap around her too, and I think I was screaming now. They were dying. They were both dying. With a final scream and a sudden rush of blood, he tore Amanda completely in half.

They both disappeared then, into the mass of shadows. Amanda's body hit the floor with a sick kind of thump and then HE was gone and Doc was gone and I was alone with two halves of Amanda.

It felt like a dream, like I was watching myself walk over to the bloody mess on the floor and gently touch it. Checking for a pulse on a body that was torn in half.

I couldn't leave her there. Had to do something with the body. I dragged her down the stairs on total autopilot. It won't stop replaying in my head, but I'm completely numb.

I dug her the best grave I could, next to August. Three people dead, only two bodies to bury. I marked it with a pile of rocks and went back inside, feeling like I was floating. I don't know what to do now. I can't do anything but write this. They're gone, all of them are gone. I'm alone with Matilda and not-Todd and the stupid fucking crow. They're dead and there was nothing I could do. I'm sorry. Please come back. I'm sorry