Who recently, has been feeling odd
When Spencer gets hurt
and Doc goes berserk
all he can do is smile and nod.
I feel like a waste. Again, the only reason I'm writing right now is because there's a small gap between insanity and... something sort of happened.
So, like I said in my last gripe of a post, I haven't been all here lately. I've felt as though I've been living in a half remembered dream, yadda yadda, but, buuuuuuuuuuuut
things changed about two weeks ago.
I really should have posted this earlier, but so to the circumstances, I've felt less of a need to document my time lost and how long I've been blacked out, let alone post on a blog which I thought was a bad idea in the first place. But I'm typing this out now like I promised myself I would.
So I was feeling like shit. Not much more intense than usual, but just for a lot longer. This may have been the same time as the story in Steele's post, but I don't think so. I was having trouble breathing, so I decide I'm gonna leave my room. Still having trouble breathing. Go down to the kitchen, choking by now. So I decide taking a quick step outside might do me some good.
Oh my god, did it do good. My head is clear, most of my pain is gone, for the first time I feel as though I could be happy if I wanted to. I take a brisk walk to the end of the street, feeling real air move across my face. I realize that for the first time this year, I've been outside. I've stayed indoors since mid December. But then when I turn around, I see the House, and I just know that I have to go back inside. It blocks the moon and with some strange force draws me in, and I just know that staying outside of the House is one of the worst things that could happen, despite all logic pointing in the opposite direction.
But with Doc messing around with dead things, and Spencer apparently seeing Mr. Tall right in him, being in the House doesn't seem to good an idea, either.
I'm fine, though. I can breathe. It just takes more force to inhale than usual. But it's fine. I've been trying to help around the house lately. Cleaning, moving things, even the occasional back massage. Well, I've made offers. Amanda and August are the only ones to accept, and not that often, really. Doc let me once when she was medicated.
So, if anyone reading this is stupid enough to want to make me feel better, I'm healthy enough to make deliveries. I like candlelit dinners and long walks on the beach. Will deliver to either men or women. Other services cost extra.
Hahahaha it hurts to laugh.