Something's been going on, and it's been affecting everybody. Yes, I hit my head. It didn't hurt right away, it goes on and off. Sometimes my eyes hurt. My vision becomes blurry and I can't tell where I am, and I have the sensation of being watched, but not by malevolent eyes, just cold, hungry, dying, eyes. There's recognition in them, though. They know me and I know them. It's hard to say if they're human, but it feels like there's humanity in them.
I sometimes lose sense of my self. I don't feel as if I really have a body, as if I'm... I don't even know. I feel like I blend right into the wall. I feel like I'm screaming and people are hearing me and they're responding but they're screaming back, and I can't understand anything that's anyone's saying. There's a constant static in my ears and sometimes it sounds like words, but no word in any language I've heard.
Then everything is silent. Everything is still. Breathing becomes a disturbance to the flow of things. I walk to try and find anyone, but if my footsteps are too loud, the whole sequence starts over. By the time I someone and start to talk to them, I can handle them for about fifteen minutes until their face starts melting away and they become lifeless corpses in my hands. By the time I come back to reality, I'm fucking crying. When it's August or Sam, it's okay. But when it happens with Spencer, I just feel insignificant. His eyes are judging. I don't know if he actually is judgmental of me, but it feels like it.
More than ever I feel like giving control to Sybil, maybe even Grosvenor. But I can't. I can't hear them anymore. I can feel them, but I can't hear them. But while I'm still here, not much to do but write.