Monday, 5 December 2011

-Todd- Depleted

Something's been going on, and it's been affecting everybody. Yes, I hit my head. It didn't hurt right away, it goes on and off. Sometimes my eyes hurt. My vision becomes blurry and I can't tell where I am, and I have the sensation of being watched, but not by malevolent eyes, just cold, hungry, dying, eyes. There's recognition in them, though. They know me and I know them. It's hard to say if they're human, but it feels like there's humanity in them.

I sometimes lose sense of my self. I don't feel as if I really have a body, as if I'm... I don't even know. I feel like I blend right into the wall. I feel like I'm screaming and people are hearing me and they're responding but they're screaming back, and I can't understand anything that's anyone's saying. There's a constant static in my ears and sometimes it sounds like words, but no word in any language I've heard.

Then everything is silent. Everything is still. Breathing becomes a disturbance to the flow of things. I walk to try and find anyone, but if my footsteps are too loud, the whole sequence starts over. By the time I someone and start to talk to them, I can handle them for about fifteen minutes until their face starts melting away and they become lifeless corpses in my hands. By the time I come back to reality, I'm fucking crying. When it's August or Sam, it's okay. But when it happens with Spencer, I just feel insignificant. His eyes are judging. I don't know if he actually is judgmental of me, but it feels like it.

More than ever I feel like giving control to Sybil, maybe even Grosvenor. But I can't. I can't hear them anymore. I can feel them, but I can't hear them. But while I'm still here, not much to do but write.


  1. Acid's a hell of a drug, bro~

  2. Have you all ever fucking thought of leaving that place every now and then? It sounds like it could do you some good. Christ.

  3. Fuck. Be careful, all of you!